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Monday
Nov052012

Five Things

Clara posted a meme-ish thing. Glad somebody did; I've got nothing this morning. So, what would you do with unlimited money?

1. Get all of my family in the same place. This assumes they would all want to go; I wouldn't Guantanamo them or anything. But what I want is a big 'ol piece of land with about four small houses where the different arms of the family could live separately but with easy access to each other. The older my parents get, and the closer we potentially maybe get to having another kiddo, the less likely it seems that the 300-mile distance is going to get easier. 

2. Restart a North American passenger railway. I have a fear of flying. Did you guys know that? Ask @megshernandez, she knows all about it. Ani DiFranco (yeah, I know, sorry) has a 9/11 song-poem called "Self Evident," and in the latter half of the song she sings, 

here's to our last drink of fossil fuels 
let us vow to get off of this sauce 
shoo away the swarms of commuter planes 
and find that train ticket we lost 
cuz once upon a time the line followed the river 
and peeked into all the backyards 
and the laundry was waving 
the graffiti was teasing us 
from brick walls and bridges 
we were rolling over ridges 
through valleys 
under stars 
I dream of touring like Duke Ellington 
in my own railroad car 
I dream of waiting on the tall blonde wooden benches 
in a grand station aglow with grace 
and then standing out on the platform 
and feeling the air on my face 

That song is always in the back of my mind when I think about cross-country travel. So, yeah. Railroads. I'd start one. And since the money is unlimited, why not start it in Alaska and end it in Chile? There's probably mountains and stuff, but: unlimited money. Oh, and also animals and stuff, but: unlimited money? (I am already starting to think like a rich person who doesn't give a shit. This is awesome.)

3. Nut-free school. Wait, I'm thinking too small. Instead, I'd find an evil scientist (what up, Monsanto?) and pay him/her to genetically engineer the end of the peanut. Mold, pest, fungus, I don't care. Kill them all. That would probably have far-reaching effects on the biosphere, though, right? WHAT DO I CARE I HAVE ALL THE DOLLARS. 

4. Open a sunbutter company. Shit you guys, this is WORKING. Once you start thinking rich, not only do you create environmental disasters, but you quickly learn how to capitalize on them. Where is my comically large monocle and canvas money-sign bag? (Note: should probably open sunbutter company before creating the Great Peanut Blight? Or after? Maybe I'm not so good at this. I guess I'd have to hire someone to hire someone to hire a subsidiary to create the peanut blight. The blight can't lead back to me or I'll lose my sunbutter money.)

5. Open museums, I guess, since I've got to ensure the rehabilitation of my public image years in the future when it comes out that I killed a nut species.

Okay, your turn. What would YOU do with unlimited money?

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